Layla and her endless supply of highly inappropriate and random questions.

 (This one was posed to her paternal grandmother, "Grammy", during her bday dinner this week)...

"Grammy were you alive when Michael Jackson still had brown skin?"

 (This was asked in passing and out of the blue yesterday)...

"If I am supposed to get married one day then why do I hate dresses so much? I know! I'll just get married in pants!"

 (This was in reference to over hearing me talking to a friend about her cheating boyfriend)...

"If you castrate a man does that mean you broke something, like his leg or his arm, and he has to wear a cast now?"

 (This was during bedtime prayers a while back)..

."If someone goes to heaven do they wear clothes or do they get to walk around naked? I vote for being naked!"

 (This is when she was in the bathroom while I was getting her little brother out of a bath)...

"Mommy how come things on my body don't shrink up when they're cold?"

 (She asked this while walking behind a very LARGE woman in the store)...

"How does she sit down in chairs without getting stuck?"

 (Witnessing a heated argument between two neighbors)...

"Do you think one of them needs a tic tac?"

I love my unintentionally hilarious child. She makes my day:)

I am not ruined.

Why is it that when I have something important to say to someone it is the last thing I want to talk about? More specifically when I am sticking up for myself within a relationship. And I could be referring to any type of relationship in my life...(Save for my mother and sister. I can tell them anything which is actually quite nice.)...I chicken out when it comes to saying things that matter to my heart. I have this pesky lie that likes to pop up (more often than I would like to admit) and that is the lie that because of what I have been through I am a ruined woman. I/My feelings, am/are of no consequence because I blew my chance at a normal stable life with my past behavior. That line of thinking by the way is a HUGE load of crap but the thought still likes to stick to the bottom of my shoe and haunt me with it's stink. I can't tell someone what I want from them without a huge lump in my throat and tears because I am convinced that I have no right to ask for anything for myself and that I should just be grateful someone is willing to be close to me.

I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING AND YES THAT'S NUTS!

But...it's what goes on in my brain. UGH! Sometimes I wish for a way to disconnect my brain from my heart. Unfortunately I am a woman and it isn't possible so I must learn to think around the large boulder of BS sitting between me and my self-esteem. God has called me "daughter", "loved", and "beautiful". That should be enough and it is. It's just remembering that is the trick!